| Author | Message | ||
| Dale McLain
Advanced Member Username: sparklingseas Post Number: 1866 Registered: 11-2004 |
I despise the backward look, the dissection of every vignette, filed and cross-filed into a tangled snare. Memories lurk- threadbare hobos with their crude cipher and astonishing agility. They ride your ass if you slow down long enough to let them on. My mother rises unbidden at the scent of almonds. Pretty and strong, she stirs the flames beneath a pot of blood and kisses, ladles the sticky-sweet fodder into my bare hands. I hate the recollection of her misplaced hope, how it spilled onto me its inescapable taint. Early on my father, young and cocky, eyed a more inviting table. He was a poor provider whose own greed gnawed a hole too big for us to fill and ate away the frayed threads that barely bound him. My siblings are blurs of black and white, pushed to the periphery, their faces are too much like mine, the familiarity unbearable; a funhouse mirror minus the fun. I relegate them to a summer picnic on a rare day of harmony that I most likely dreamed. And there’s me in scuffed red shoes, panties sagging below the hem of a homemade dress. My hair is long and am holding a goddamned biscuit of all things. Look at how I gather every sort of anxiety I can fit into my maw. Already I was too hungry, too willing, too lost. This is the foundation I inherited- one foot lodged in chaos, the other in the most embarrassing sort of hope that comes from too much reading and climbing trees to look into the neighbor’s kitchen windows. It is better to forget than to sift for some unlikely morsel that has lost its sweetness. Wiser to disregard the sparse tenderness that must have sometimes passed my lips. Now I keep moving. Indistinguishable, I say grace and remember nothing, never think, for one minute, that my belly might be filled. | ||
| Anastacia Donovan
Valued Member Username: sulis Post Number: 236 Registered: 03-2002 |
Oh this is a superb piece of work. It tore me apart to read it as i relate so closely to the experience and feelings. Well done! Ana | ||
| michael julius sottak
Advanced Member Username: julius Post Number: 2232 Registered: 12-2003 |
yes Dale, yes! | ||
| ~M~
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 6677 Registered: 11-1998 |
This is skillfully crafted and professionally delivered, Dale. The only word I hesitated over was in this section: "My hair is long and am holding a goddamned biscuit of all things." It's the "goddamned." Not that I'm against curse words, mind you. In fact, without curse words, I'd probably stand mute most of the time. *LOL* It's just that the narrator's anger is very controlled through the rest of the read. It simmers below the surface in a very disquieting way. When she says "goddamned," though, that anger is too visible. I didn't want this narrator to lose control like that. I found her expression more powerful in being subtle. She doesn't have to curse for me to know just how upset she is. That was what was most beautiful about the rest of it. The controlled anger. My first husband always told me I was scariest when I was mad, but in control. He could tolerate the cussing, but it was when I grew silent and gave him "The Look," as he called it, that I was the most imposing and frightening. He would say, "Say something, anything, but stop giving me that Look. It scares the hell out of me!" I think the same holds true for this narrator. | ||
| Gary Blankenship
Senior Member Username: garyb Post Number: 6829 Registered: 07-2001 |
Dale, the S about you is the best, goddamn or not. If that was your only poem, you could be pleased. I would shorten the others and let you shine as you should and do... Nothing against them at all, but they might be more of a ghost if they have less of a place. Smiles. Gary btw, the hobo comes in second and then some... A River Transformed The Dawg House December Fireweed | ||
| Andrew Dufresne
Member Username: beachdreamer Post Number: 60 Registered: 01-2006 |
Very good work, Dale. Always a pleasure to read your poetry. Looking forward to more. ad | ||
| jennifer vanburen
Member Username: annaswirls Post Number: 93 Registered: 10-2005 |
Too many rich images and interesting phrases here for me to paste in my favorites. Damn, this is a fine piece of writing. The one thing that tripped me up a bit (um, not literally) were the sagging panties. I couldn't get it. I will come back to this again. Wonderific. Jennifer www.mannequinenvy.com | ||
| Dale McLain
Advanced Member Username: sparklingseas Post Number: 1887 Registered: 11-2004 |
Ana~ Thank you so much. Julius~ Glad you like. Thanks. M~ I see your point... I think I agree. Thank you. Gary~ hmmm... somthing to consider. I appreciate the suggestions. Thank you. Andy~ Thanks for reading. I value your opinion. Jennifer~ I appreciate the kind words. I have attached the photo with the sagging panties. I am holding my brother's hand, not a g.d. biscuit, my hair's short (God! What a haircut!!)... poetic license. Thought you might get a kick out it. And now I can be sure that everyone knows I am old. LOL! take care all~dale  (Message edited by sparklingseas on February 24, 2006) | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 4041 Registered: 07-2002 |
Dale, Much in this touched me, but these lines most of all: one foot lodged in chaos, the other in the most embarrassing sort of hope that comes from too much reading and climbing trees to look into the neighbor’s kitchen windows. Well done. best, ljc Once in a Blue Muse Blog | ||
| Dale McLain
Advanced Member Username: sparklingseas Post Number: 1918 Registered: 11-2004 |
Thanks Lisa~ The section you mentioned is the heart of the poem. Glad you saw that. I still find myself in that position (minus the saggy drawers  )a lot of the time. take care~dale | ||
| Laurie Byro
Advanced Member Username: lauriette Post Number: 1566 Registered: 11-2003 |
I liked this and the underlying anger, which i think IS disclosed with or without the goddamned, maybe just damned? dunno but a lot to ponder in this very effective poem. Good work, Dale laurie | ||
| Dale McLain
Advanced Member Username: sparklingseas Post Number: 1925 Registered: 11-2004 |
Laurie~ Thank you. I'll contemplate my curse... I appreciate the good words. take care~dale |
